It isn't a matter of sharing your secrets.
But if you think about sharing a secret....think of a dark and juicy one....you will get the idea of the resistance your mind throws up to being vulnerable.
It will feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
What will they think of me?
What will it mean about me?
What if they reject me? are often undercurrents that we may or not even be aware of.
Usually the pounding heart and turning gut stop us before too much analyzing goes on.
The practice of mindset work is becoming aware of the decisions that are being offered and then to make a deliberate decision about how to proceed.
If we are being mindful and self-aware we can make decisions that serve us to intentionally become the person we truly want to be.
If we want to be an authentic person who does not control others to serve their own lacking sense of self...vulnerability is something to consider. But here is what else you need to consider:
There are benefits to NOT being vulnerable
1. You get to manage how others see you
by just showing them what you want them to see. You can even try to control others on some level by giving them limited information to base their judgments about you on.
2. You don't have to deal with their feelings so much
If you don't give them information about what you are thinking or feeling then you don't have to deal with their anger, offense, etc. about it.
3. You have more control
By staying a step ahead of their judgments and assumptions
You never truly know if they like you or the edited person you are presenting to them
2. True Intimacy with Others
In order to edit what others know and see you need to withhold YOU. Your true desires, needs, thoughts. This decreases feelings of connection.
3. True intimacy and Belonging to Yourself
Each time you deny your true self, it is an act of self-betrayal.
It is exhausting to edit, control, manage a facade. At times it may feel necessary to retreat when the pretending is too demanding.
Being Vulnerable has a Price Tag as Well
You will have to pay.
1. You must forfeit control
over how others perceive you. This means that you offer the real deal like how you really think and feel and then step back and allow them to turn that into whatever they choose. No trying to make them think you are perfect, amazing, infallible, super-woman, forgiving, needed, invaluable, indispensable, lovable, valuable, fill in the blank. It is now in their hands. *gulp*, right?!
2. You forfeit comfort
Of knowing that they don't know what is really going on in your head. No longer hidden. When you put it out there and risk the other person reacting you now have to deal with disapproval or disappointment, offense, anger, resentment. With an underdeveloped sense of self this means that guilt may be added to that if you are still basing your value and worth on how others see you. It's uncomfortable, my friend. You place their own acceptance of you completely in their hands.
3. You lose the safety of placing your value on the shoulders of others
It's personal now. You are now solely in charge of recognizing your value and your worth. If you need admiration, it is now yours to give yourself. If you need love and belonging, you get to start with giving it to yourself.
1. Pure freedom
Of releasing the worry, the anxiety, the fear of "what others will think of me" back onto them. You are generating your own feelings of worthiness now. This is independence rather than the "anti-dependence" of just distancing yourself from your own wants and needs.
2. True connection with others
They now have the opportunity to see who you are and love you or leave you. The ones who are left are there for the real you and that is it. You have found your peeps.
3. True connection with yourself
You become someone you can trust because you have your own back. You love you for you not because you are relying on feedback from the world about your worthiness. You know you are worthy of love. You are important to you. You matter. And with this knowledge in you, you have a greater capacity to share it with others.
When you look over the options you get to intentionally choose if being vulnerable is worth the cost.
If you have chosen intimacy through vulnerability there is something you should know.
Skills are needed.
Don't go unarmed.
It will be easier and less painful if you have some tools at the ready. The video below goes into those.
Life coaches help you see past your stories.
They help you see your true options.
They help you get in alignment with the person you want to be and show up with true integrity, your true self.
They help give you the tools to take on vulnerability as one of your best qualities.
May I be that coach for you?
Send me a message and let's get started.