How do you heal people-pleasing? (The answer plus a ton of ways to say no)
Can't they see how busy and tired you are?
You are exhausted, but somehow you are doing it AGAIN.
Frustrated. Angry.
Resenting the people you don’t want to think you are a jerk for saying no.
People-pleasing pretends to be the nice thing to do.
But if saying yes comes with the requirement of pretending to be okay with something you are not (ppssst.....we call this lying)
It is no longer done from love.
And offering time, affection, gifts, etc from a place of anger or resentment
Is just. Not. Nice.
Give yourself a place on the list
How would you like to have a spouse who was always asking you what you want to do
And whenever you answered he said, "So what? We're going to do something else instead"
How would you feel?
Like you don't matter?
Your feelings don't matter?
Your relationship with yourself is even more intimate than your relationship with your spouse.
When you are ignoring or bulldozing your own thoughts, needs, and preferences
You are treating yourself like you don't matter.
You are showing others how to treat you as well.
As hard as it is...
Telling the truth is one of the kindest things you can possible do for your relationship
START HERE
1. Untangle. Don't get tangled up in trying to control something you have no control over. Them. You can be considerate without trying to make them feel okay. That's their job.
2. Tell the truth. Just say it. Suggestions below.
3. Have your back. Refuse to allow self-abuse. Self-abuse may sound like, "You are so mean." "You are selfish." "If you were a better person you would do that."
Having your back sounds like, "That didn't go as I hoped it would. Is there something I can change in my approach next time?"
"I'm so proud of you for telling the truth."
"I've got you, Self. I know how hard you are working to put yourself on the list."
I've given you some suggestions below, but I want to warn you.
Some people will want to have their own opinion whether you have a "good enough" reason to say no.
Take Note:
Wanting to protect your relationship from resentment is a good enough reason.
Not wanting to say yes is a good enough reason.
They do not need your justification
And you don't need theirs.
If you want help saying no without ANY GUILT. If you want help developing a loving, trusting relationship with yourself that is free of self-abuse or neglect....I can help.
Just schedule a free relationship reset call HERE and leave with three, clear problems, three clear solutions, and a doable plan to get fix a broken relationship.
Ways to say no:
I appreciate the offer, but I'm going to pass.
I appreciate the invitation, but I am completely booked.
Thanks for thinking of me. Maybe another time.
Regrettably, no.
I can't do that with a good attitude.
You’re so kind to think of me, but not today.
No thank you, but it sounds lovely.
That's probably never going to be my thing, but I am so glad you thought of me.
That's just not something I will probably ever want to do, but can I contribute in another way?
I’m flattered you considered me, but that's not for me.
Sounds great, but I better not commit to that right now.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Perhaps in another season of life.
Ask me in a month.
Circle back to me in a few weeks.
I have a few things I need to take care of first. Can I let you know later?
I’m really buckling down on my priorities right now, so it probably won't make the
list this month.
I’m really maxed out.
It’s not feasible for me to take this on.
Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.
That sounds so great, but I’m really spread thin these days with so many great things.
I’m not taking on anything else right now.
Bandwidth is low, so I won’t be able to make it work.
I’m slammed.
That would be great, but I'm practicing constraint in my priorities.
I’m at the end of my rope right now so have to take a raincheck.
If only it worked.
If I had 26 hours in my day I totally would.
I’m not taking on new things.
Another time might work.
I really don’t have any openings in my schedule.
I’m head-down right now on a project, so won’t be able to.
I wish there were two of me!
No thanks, I have another commitment.
Sadly I have something else.
It doesn’t sound like the right fit.
I’m not sure I’m the best for it.
I believe I wouldn’t fit the bill, sorry.
It’s not a good idea for me.
I don’t think I’m the right person for that
That sounds like a job for someone else.
I think I'll save that job for another life.
I wish I could make it work.
Darn! Not able to fit it in.
Rats! Would’ve loved to.
I’ll need to bow out.
I won’t be able to
Sorry, not this time.
I’m good.
Not right now.
Naw
No way, Jose.
No can do
Nah
Nope
Not possible.
Heaven’s* no!
Never.
No, and I love you.