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How To Thrive Even When Someone Doesn't Like You

Updated: Dec 12, 2019

You can be the ripest juiciest fruit and someone will still hate peaches.  Haters.

The people that I think are the funnest, most amazing, inspirational, fantastic humans out there have haters.

There is no denying that it can feel heavy when that happens.

We may start to make it means something about us.

Our identity may shift in our own mind.

We may begin to think, probably without even realizing it, that if someone doesn't accept us then we are unacceptable.

If someone doesn't love us we are unlovable.

(And if they do love us....would they still if they actually KNEW the real me?)

If someone doesn't value us we are not valuable.

We may begin to hide. Shrink. Make ourselves small.

Or we may lash out and decide to not like them either.

Because who wants to like a hater, right?


What if you got to feel TOTALLY OKAY regardless of their feelings toward you?

What if you could not take it personally?

Here is where your brain kicks in and says, "But it WAS personal! They are attacking ME! What I said and what I did..."

Here is the trick:

Allow it to be about them.

That wonderful quote by Dita Von Teese says, "You can be the ripest, juiciest fruit in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches", says it perfectly.

The fact that they don't like you can just mean you aren't their flavor.

And that's okay.

When you can give someone permission to just not like you, you can be free of the energy, the drama, the upheaval of what you are making it mean about you.

Or them.

You get to like them even if they don't like you.

The benefit is that you get to wander the stores, the streets, and your mind without bumping into someone that stirs anger and resentment and unrest in you.

You're good!

So what if they are telling you WHAT they don't like about you?

Here is your chance to evaluate.

Act as if you are dumping the contents of your purse onto the table. Become your observer and look at the qualities they are describing AWAY from you.

My laugh has given me plenty of opportunity to evaluate.

One person said they hated my laugh.

It made them shut the door so they couldn't hear whenever I laugh.

And I laugh hard, ya'all. Laughing goes unchecked here and when I do it, I do it full throttle.

At first I found myself wondering if I should laugh quieter or stop laughing around this person.

This is me being tempted to shrink and dilute myself.

I evaluated and decided that my laugh is something I genuinely like about myself.

And my people...they love my laugh.

Now there was another time that someone pointed out that I laugh when I am frustrated.

It came across as mocking the other person.

I evaluated this and decided that I did not want to keep that one.

I made the effort to become more aware and actually check my laugh when I was feeling frustrated or near anger or another person was revving up a little.

When that laugh got out before I thought, I would immediately apologize and take responsibility for it.

"I want you to know that I am not laughing at you or about you. This is me dealing with frustration, it is not you. I'm sorry, I'm working to break this habit."

I am so glad I had the opportunity to hear that kind of feedback and be able to evaluate the effects and results.

If I was caught up in making it mean something horrible about me or about them, in being right, or being liked, I could not have made the decisions I did.

That have helped me be someone I like and admire more.

If you are in the mood to look at yourself today, here are some great questions to ask yourself:

How much energy am I spending on people who do not like me? Mental, emotional, physical?

How much time am I spending on people who do not like me? Thinking, talking about it, processing it, gossiping, gathering allies and proof of justification?

What could I do with that time and energy if I focused it on improving and loving myself?

What could you do?

I hope you find out.

Did you miss the video about haters this week? Catch it HERE.

Self-coaching questions for autoimmune warriors:

Do you ever notice a flare after a confrontation?

How long does it usually last?

Is there someone in particular that you know will trigger you?

How much time in a day do you spend worrying when someone doesn't like you?

If you would like coaching on how to manage relationships to help cut down your emotional, autoimmune flares, text me HERE

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