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How to Stop Complaining

When you complain it is because you want things to be better.

A worthy goal...

And you are pretty sure that if he stops doing that thing...the relationship would be better.

And if he could just know what that thing was...he could have the opportunity to stop doing it

And you could both get on with your happy ever after.

But there are two problems with that.

1. It doesn't work.

2. Complaining is a way of avoiding skills that you really, really need for a phenomenal relationship

The reason people complain is actually to avoid

  • Asking for what you need

  • Feeling disappointed or rejected

  • Shaking up the relationship

All of these feel vulnerable and risky

Your brain will tell you it is dangerous

It will tell you to take the more powerful route...point out what he is doing wrong...instead of the vulnerable route.

Instead of

"I miss you in the evenings and feel so disappointed when I put dinner away without sharing it with you. It is important to me to spend that time together. Will you please come home by dinnertime?"

It will want to say