How to Stop Complaining
When you complain it is because you want things to be better.
A worthy goal...
And you are pretty sure that if he stops doing that thing...the relationship would be better.
And if he could just know what that thing was...he could have the opportunity to stop doing it
And you could both get on with your happy ever after.
But there are two problems with that.
1. It doesn't work.
2. Complaining is a way of avoiding skills that you really, really need for a phenomenal relationship
The reason people complain is actually to avoid
Asking for what you need
Feeling disappointed or rejected
Shaking up the relationship
All of these feel vulnerable and risky
Your brain will tell you it is dangerous
It will tell you to take the more powerful route...point out what he is doing wrong...instead of the vulnerable route.
"I miss you in the evenings and feel so disappointed when I put dinner away without sharing it with you. It is important to me to spend that time together. Will you please come home by dinnertime?"
It will want to say