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Why Trusting Yourself is Critical to Connecting with Others

Updated: Oct 10, 2019

birds who trust each other
birds who trust each other

We trust people

To be there when they said they would

To believe us

To be kind

To accept us when we are putting ourselves out there

To treat us like they would want to be treated

To have our best interest in mind

To be careful with our hearts

To give us good advice

To know we are doing our best

To speak kindly about us to others

To keep our secrets

When they fall short we feel hurt, betrayed, rejected, disappointed, alone.

Sometimes we resort to managing others' stuff in order to feel that safe feeling.

We don't rely on them to pick us up in case they don't show

We don't tell them the truth in case they can't handle it

We don't share our burdens in case they see us in a bad light

We pretend to be someone else so they won't reject us

We opt out of connected friendships so it won't hurt if they don't treat us like we want

We feel betrayed when someone looks out for themselves before us

We hide so we won't get hurt

We are afraid to hope in case it doesn't work out

We give half of an effort in case we fail

We sit on secrets in shame

Many times we resort to a life-game of curling where we try to stay three steps ahead of the other person's stone, clearing a path taking it where we think it should go. We end up spending the energy we need for healing on managing things beyond our control and appropriate boundaries.

But those feelings of fear are SO REAL! What do we do with them? Sit on them?

We know that when that happens they just hatch and multiply into baby fears that grow up into bigger fears.

So what can we do with those feelings?

Here it is:

Trust yourself.

When it boils down to the very basics, we aren't afraid of what others will do, we are afraid that we won't be able to handle it when it happens.

I say "when" because humans fall short.

They will be rude, evil, mean, unreliable, messy, reckless, selfish, backbiting, and just plain human.

This is the life we live in. Half good, half bad. Half pleasant, have not-so-much. And yet, you can still thrive.

When you trust yourself you are free to love without fearing that fall.

How do you show up when you love without fear? IT'S AMAZING!

When you trust yourself to handle the whispers behind your back when someone finds out your main weakness, you are free to be 100% you. And you find that the people who stay in your life are people who can live with mistakes and shortcomings. I LOVE THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE!

When you trust yourself to do your very best, even when it doesn't look like it used to, or what you hoped to get done, and still love you just as much, you don't need others to approve of the marks on your to-do list. And you find that you become more okay with the best that others can do...and can let that go.

What could you do if you...

Trusted yourself to be your best friend, ever, no matter what.

Trusted yourself to be your loudest cheerleader when someone else doesn't believe you are sick.

Trusted yourself to be the resourceful person you are when someone else doesn't show up like they said they would.

Trusted yourself to stand strong.

To be kind.

To be loyal, understanding, faithful, persistent, non-judgmental, accepting.


What would show up in your life as a result?

What could you do if you were not afraid of what others could do to you?

What could you do if you were not afraid of what life hands you?

Who would you be?

I dare you to find out.

"A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch, but in her own wings."

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