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  • Writer's pictureJenn

When You Did It Wrong

Feeling like a failure?

A woman was describing a personal, parenting incident that happened 35 years ago.

And then she looked at me, with knit brows and worried eyes and asked,

"Did I handle it right?"

For anyone who has thought about how you handled a situation in the past with a knot in your stomach

Lost sleep because of a "mistake"

Felt guilt and fear, dreading that your actions made your kids the way they are

Or felt caught in the quicksand of regret

This is for you.

I'll start right off by telling you, and her

Yes. You did it right.

You did it exactly how it was supposed to be done.

Because there is no good reason to believe otherwise.

Since the past is gone, the only way the past can hurt you is by how you think about it now.

  • Continuing to hurt yourself now over something that happened in the past handicaps you today. It makes it harder for you to do better because you are dragging around Jacob Marley's chains while you are trying to handle hard stuff. Not helpful.

  • Today is what it is all about. The past is gone. The important thing is how you can bring feelings of empowerment to change, the confidence of growth and learning, the wisdom from yesterday here with you. Cut the chains. You have work to do.

Questions to ask instead of beating yourself up:

  • How do I know I was supposed to do it differently?

  • Can people learn just as much, or more, from others' mistakes as they can from their perfection?

  • Did I learn a lesson there that saved me many more mistakes in the future?

  • What do I want to do differently next time?

  • What can I teach them about how to handle failure?

  • How have past failures made me stronger?

  • How many of my current strengths were made through someone else's less-than-perfect moments?

  • How can I be grateful for the people in my life I believe have made mistakes regarding me?

  • What was I able to make from those experiences that I couldn't have any other way?

  • How can I love myself through this?

When your mind tries to regret, wonder, judge...bring it back to here on purpose.

Don't let it wreak havoc and destroy your mind like a toddler let loose in a knife store.

  • You are allowed to be a human.

  • We are all just trying to feel good about ourselves.

  • Your best is good enough.

  • You learn from every, single experience.

  • You are enough. They are enough.

  • There is no reason to beat your past self up. You are here now and you can try something different.

  • You can apologize.

  • What they choose to do with your choices or apology is none of your business.

  • This shows me where I am still healing.

  • I refuse to judge my past self with information I didn't have back then.

  • Sometimes my worst moments are their best lessons.

  • You can use that situation to build yourself into a new version of yourself instead of beating yourself down.

It isn't as much about what happened what you make from it.

It's true. Some people will use your less than best against themselves.

And some will use those moments to create beautiful stories of growth and triumph.

Show. Them. How.

You are the perfect person.

Do you need help with a relationship you are regretting?

Schedule a relationship reset call with Jenn and leave knowing three, exact steps to start changing your relationship right now.

Just click the button below.

"Help me find someone that knows how to help me."  Those were my words in one of the most sincere, honest prayers of my life.  I knew that the sadness, resentment and fear I was experiencing did not have to be the norm. I just didn't know how to find my way out of it.  I had tried a lot of things--but none of them seemed to last very long.  It wasn't two hours after that prayer that I miraculously met Jenn.  Jenn helped me to see that I had everything I needed to be my best self.  She coached me through learning to love myself again and as a result helped me to deepen the love in my marriage and in motherhood.

It's time to get off of the fence and start changing your life.  It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.  Jenn not only coached me, she taught me the skills to coach myself.  When I find myself feeling overwhelmed or resentful, I am now able to use the skills learned in coaching to identify the thoughts that are keeping me stuck. " - Past Client

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