When Someone You Love Wants Help
Have you ever had someone that you care about struggle?
Have you ever offered solutions to them and it was not well-received? Maybe met with...."I don't need a solution, I just need you to listen?"
Oh, if I had a dime for every time I've jumped in to "save" a struggling person, believing that they needed to be saved and it was my job to save them, I could tile a pool with them.
It is something I have done a lot of work on.
This week I am sharing how to present options/solutions based on some of the things I have learned about myself.
Here were some hard facts: A lot of times I wanted them to stop struggling so I didn't' have to watch it and feel bad about it and feel guilty for not helping them and making them feel better and taking the pain away.
I would describe it as feeling like I was watching a train wreck and doing nothing. Like those paparazzi at Princess Diana's wreck.
This is actually me helping with a motive. The motive being, "Here, do this so I feel better and know that you're doing it the way I think it should be done".
But sometimes I know some stuff.
Stuff that legitimately could be tried on and possibly help.
When it is offered without a motive, I know that things are working out exactly as they should.
I know that this person is whole just how they are.
I know that their journey is theirs and mine is mine.
I know that struggle is okay.
My job is to love them.
I know how to feel okay, and sometimes sad with someone, and still okay, because I am actually the one creating my own distress...not them and their situation.
I don't have to hijack their journey to feel better.
Do you feel me?
I know it can be hard work to watch someone struggle.
But there is another level of peace available and another level of offering help that is available when we are approaching it from a "clean" place.