When Christmas is Hard
Christmas is not always merry and bright.
Sometimes it makes the absence of someone who is gone very obvious.
Or you have an expectation of what a beautiful Christmas would look like that has nothing to do with what actually happened.
It brings family, and their drama that they can often avoid during the year, together.
Whatever the reason...it is pretty common to feel down at Christmas time.
If this is you, there are some self-diagnostics that you can do, to allow the sadness that helps you move through grief
Or
Change the thoughts creating sadness that only serve to keep you stuck and mess with your mind on the holidays.
1. First...learn to know the difference.
Emotions can be habitual and even distractions from other emotions that need to be addressed. These emotions cost us freedom.
The most common of these "indulgent emotions" (they provide no growth value) are worry, confusion ,and overwhelm.
Since feelings come from what we think, we may be "indulging" in thoughts like
"I'm not going to be able to get everything done in time"
"I have so much to do"
"Why would she act like that?"
"I would have a better holiday if they would...."
When we are thinking them we notice that we become "stuck" and unproductive.
These thoughts are optional, and changeable.
Growth emotions come from a place without blame. They are not cultivated from a place of resistance to the reality of how other people are acting or what is.
They can be emotions like grief, empathy, and sadness.
"I miss my children on Christmas"
"She seems so lonely"
"My dad used to make Christmas so much fun"
These emotions help us be deeper, more compassionate, and accepting humans. They are valuable.
From this place we learn to cultivate gratitude for the moments we had in the past
Develop compassion for those who are suffering and spur us to assist
Help us be more present in all parts of our lives that are, and should be, 50% amazing and 50% terrible.
Rather than escape through blame, distractions, and resistance
You can
Make what happened work for you instead of against you.
Some hard things happen through our own attempts and decisions
And sometimes they happen through uncontrollable circumstances
The things we always control are how we respond.
I challenge you to decide to become stronger, have a greater capacity for love because of the things that have happened
And use the hard things as stepping stones to create more happiness, gratitude, and freedom in your life.
But today, you may just need to cry in bed.
And feels sad.
And that's okay.
2. You can do something about those indulgent emotions
That keep you stuck and suck the fun out of your holidays.
You can change the thoughts that are creating them
By taking your ability to respond...Your responds-ability...BACK.
HERE IS HOW:
Let go of trying to control them or the uncontrollable world. You don't have the energy or the power for that.
Get rid of the thoughts that are causing you pain.
Allow yourself to feel the pain that does not blame YOU OR THEM
Choose new thoughts to think:
"I have plenty of time to do the things that are important to me"
"I give you permission to take care of yourself how you need to"
"I can say no to manage my demands"
"I give others permission to have their emotional journey"
This can be challenging work.
Your mind will want to be confused about how to think different thoughts because the current ones feel so true
Your mind will want to blame how you feel on how someone else is acting
It will want to justify feeling terrible
....Bless it....
Don't fall for it.
You have the ability to change your experience
If you would like help doing that I can help you.
This is work that I have done and do every. single. day. to create a life instead of being at the effect of what is going on around me.
Please reach out if you want help doing that in your life by clicking the button below.
Merry (AND all kinds of other emotions) Christmas,
Jenn
Schedule a call to begin planning how you will create a freer, fuller emotional experience for yourself in 2023 by clicking the button below.