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  • Writer's pictureJenn

WHAT TO DO When Your Child is Making Decisions

Updated: Jul 11, 2023

That you really wish they wouldn't


As hard as you try to guide and protect your kids

Sometimes they make decisions you wish they wouldn't


They may stop going to church

Choose to not go on a mission

Sometimes they are using drugs

Get in relationships that are abusive

Engage in activities that are immoral or illegal


You imagine their future and how much harder it will be when consequences come

Judgement from others

Miserable relationships

Pregnancy

Addiction

Divorce

You ache for them now

And you ache for their futures...because your mind has already jumped there and is positive it knows what is coming

You fear what is coming

And it causes strain and distance in your relationship

You, like some of my clients may wonder:

Should I give up?

I don't want to worry and hurt anymore but I can't just give up on my child

I want to stop caring.

Does it mean I am a bad parent if I stop caring?


You don't have to give up on them to feel peace and free yourself from constant worrying.


There is a difference between the types of pain that you will be feeling.

There are some you will want to choose

And some that will keep you from showing up as the parent you want to be.


Clean pain: is the type of pain that helps you grow.

It is from the empathy of one human watching another human suffer.

It helps you treat others with love and tenderness and compassion.

I actually teach clients how to feel this. I encourage it.

Lean into it.

Grieve.

It can't hurt you. It just feels uncomfortable

The sure way to avoid it is to not love.

You need love in your life.

(And if your brain just told you that love hurts....don't believe it. Love feels amazing. Dirty pain is what causes suffering.)


Dirty pain: is the type of pain that involves blame.

"If he would just listen to me this wouldn't be happening"

"I should have done things differently"

"My child should be different than they are"

"This shouldn't be happening"

It is exhausting because it is resisting what is. Like fighting gravity.

You can change and stop this type of pain.


Start here:


1. Feel the feels because you choose to.

"I want to feel sad when someone else is suffering."

"I am feeling disappointed because I am thinking the thought, "It was supposed to be different than this"

"I am feeling frustrated because I am thinking the thought, "She should be different"

Choosing to feel moves you into a place of empowerment rather than helplessness.


2. Direct your brain on purpose to what is yours to control.

How do you want to show up?

Who is your best self you want to see here?

What kind of a person do you want to be when consequences happen? When they are filled with regret? When their life gets hard? When their "mistake" turns out to be the greatest growth moment of their life?

Challenge your current beliefs about struggle (video HERE)

This is where your ultimate power is. This is what you can control.

BE the person you wish they were.


3. Do not tolerate self-abuse.

Put all of that energy of things you DON'T WANT into making sure your mind does not attack you.

THIS is enemy #1.

Maybe you do have things you would do differently if you could.

What is the upside of beating yourself up for that?

Do you know what your child may need in the future if rough things go down?

  • An example of how to grow from a place of love

  • Self-acceptance

  • To be a place of love and understanding for themselves

Show them how.

This is the perfect time to start.


There is your business

There is your child's business

And there is God's business

Know the difference...and then get to yours.


You can have peace when your child is struggling.

You can be centered when they are confused.

You can feel confident when others are judging you.

You can have boundaries without guilt.

You can have love and say no.

You can love someone unconditionally without condoning behavior.


And I can help you get there.

Please click below to schedule a talk about how.



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