Unconditional Love Feels Terrible Until It Doesn't
Is there someone who is driving you crazy
That you just can't imagine loving right now?
You are officially in the first stage of loving unconditionally.
Loving without condition is a skill.
When you develop it,
It means you can love and accept someone for who they are
EVEN if you choose to not be around them.
When you think about them you can feel love.
When you run into them you can feel love.
Love trumps neutrality or indifference because it FEELS SO MUCH BETTER...
You are free of judgement, resentment, blame, anger, frustration
And it has nothing to do with them.
They don't even get to benefit from your love unless they choose to do the work to feel loved inside of themselves.
That's on them.
A lot of times my clients take the judgement, resentment, blame, anger, and frustration
And heap another layer on.
They start judging themselves, resenting their weaknesses, blaming their past, creating more anger and frustration about themselves
BECAUSE they are not loving them
And are therefore weak and inadequate.
Do this instead.
Imagine walking in a gym for a good, hard workout.
You are surrounded by weights that you will one day be able to lift.
You've got some lighter kettlebells
Some medium dumbells
And some serious barbells
And when you pick them up...they should feel heavy.
And if you really want some bulk, you lift to failure.
Not because you are weak, but because you are willing to push past what is easy.
It is supposed to feel terrible while you are developing your strength
And your skill at lifting.
When you expand your capacity...it feels terrible.
Straining and struggling in a relationship means you are in the gym.
If it were easy it would not push you into a new level of skill.
Being able to love unconditionally is not something that you are born with
It happens on purpose
By exercising your mind
With work around people who challenge your current way of thinking about them.
You can pray for help...which is a big, ol' part...
But you need to do the heavy lifting.
You need these people to grow.
They are not in your way to unconditional love
They are the way to unconditional love.