Three Steps for an easy Valentine's Day.
Have you stopped expecting much on Valentine's Day?
With the kids, the effort it takes, the decisions to make, it just seems easier not to plan much
And you've stopped thinking your husband is going to take the ball and run with it?
He's busy too.
Does Valentine's, on some level, represent what marriage has turned into?
Here are three, simple things you can do to revive your holiday, that will also revive your marriage:
Only do things you want to. What??? Don't underestimate the importance of this step...it is a RELATIONSHIP SAVER. The reason it does not come from selfishness is because it protects your relationship from resentment and acquiescence. Terrance Reel, counselor, author, and marriage expert identifies acquiescence as the number one passion killer. If you ask yourself "Why am I doing this?" and the answer is, "So that he will..." (feel loved, feel happy, etc) Please stop right there. That is you managing him (which is exhausting and impossible). Try asking this instead, "What do I want to do to show my love?" And say no, with love, to things you can't do with a good attitude.
Take care of your needs When you are taking care of your needs, you come to your spouse whole, taken care of, more rested. When you give him responsibility for making sure you feel all the feels (loved, appreciated, secure, calm), you are handing him a job that is literally one that only you can do. And you know what you need better than anyone. So why not you?
Make requests Just because you own your needs doesn't mean you don't have expectations of your spouse. Often the way people communicate hopes or expectations is by complaining because they don't feel comfortable asking for help. Here is what complaining doesn't do: *It doesn't identify what you want *Make what you want understandable *Break things down into steps that feel doable *Give him an opportunity to try *It doesn't reassure him that sincere attempts, even if imperfect, will be valued *Influence motivation *Make talking something he looks forward to You both deserve to have a beautiful holiday that doesn't create more marital stress. I know how frustrating it can be To see others celebrating on Instagram in ways you probably never will To end a Valentine's wondering if you are loved or have the energy to love this man well But this could be the year you stop believing that it has to be hard And that it has to look a certain way And make something that is uniquely you And end the day feeling filled I am here to help you save your Valentine's Day from habits that also make a marriage feel like hard work and effort.
If you want to make sure you have had YOUR LAST sub-par holiday, click the button below to schedule a relationship habit audit to see why your marriage is stuck and 3 things you can do to fix it.
When one client of mine, who was feeling underappreciated and alone, asked herself, "What do I want?" during our coaching session, she realized that all she really wanted was a cake and flowers. She became so excited to pick the flowers she really wanted, and buy the cake she really wanted, that by the time her husband got home, she was feeling energized and loving. Her husband, sensing the pressure was off, felt more relaxed to enjoy the time with her. It was her best holiday yet.