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  • Writer's pictureJenn

Three Ways to Screw up Unconditional Love

Let's explore three common ways we sabotage our journey towards unconditional love

And how embracing this one thing can transform your relationships the quickest.

It probably isn't what you think...

Unconditional love is the ability to give yourself

  • the gift of peace in your heart

  • Protection from poor treatment

  • Continually being around others that you just love

***And others can benefit from your peace if they choose to*** but that is totally up to them.

The first, critical step is hidden in the second commandment.

Love others as you love yourself.

Not because we are inherently selfish people who will always think of do that with others...


Most of the reasons we criticize, refuse to love, is because we have a gaping hole in our own self-worth.

  • We try to make ourselves feel better about failure by pointing out how others fail.

  • We try to boost ourselves up by lowering someone else in the form of gossip or trying to be right in an argument.

  • We judge others to give ourselves a leg-up from inadequacy.

We aren't bad people.

We just haven't challenged our own thinking to see that

HATING ON OURSELVES WORKS AGAINST US in the good things we are trying to do.

Here is how to avoid three common mistakes in self-love:

1. Judging Yourself for Not Loving as You Should

How often do we find ourselves falling into the trap of self-judgment, berating ourselves for not loving as we think we should?

We compare ourselves to idealized standards of love and kindness, and when we fall short, we heap on the self-criticism.

But here's the truth: Lessons in developing unconditional love comes during the messy, imperfect, parts of being human.

You are there, front and center to every human moment you have.

Instead of judging ourselves for not loving perfectly, let's embrace our flaws and imperfections as part of what makes us beautifully human.

And we can change it.

Not because we aren't good enough...but because that is why we are here.

2. Telling Yourself You Should Be Different by Now

The relentless pursuit of self-improvement can sometimes backfire, leaving us feeling inadequate and unworthy.

We tell ourselves that we should be different by now – more loving, more patient, more forgiving – and when we inevitably fall short, we feel like failures.

But here's the reality check: There is no timeline for personal growth or self-love. Each of us is on our own journey, navigating the twists and turns of life at our own pace. Instead of striving for perfection, let's embrace our journey with compassion and grace, knowing that growth takes time and patience.

3. Shaming Yourself

Perhaps the most damaging way we sabotage our journey towards unconditional love is through self-shame.

We internalize the voices of our inner critics, telling ourselves that we are unworthy of love and acceptance.

That there is something wrong with US.

But here's the hard truth: Shame thrives in darkness and secrecy.

It feeds on our fears and insecurities, preventing us from embracing our true worth and value.

Instead of succumbing to shame, let's shine a light on our vulnerabilities and imperfections as well as our strengths and be okay being 50% amazing and 50% not yet.

No big deal.

Unconditional Love Starts and Ends with Your Acceptance of You

At the heart of unconditional love lies a simple yet profound truth: It starts and ends with your acceptance of you.

When you embrace yourself with all your flaws and imperfections, you create space for love and acceptance to flourish – both within yourself and in your relationships with others.

It becomes less important to be at odds or in competition because you are already filled with acceptance.

Yelling at him isn't going to make him better at math.

Yelling at you for yelling at him is going to double the yelling and reinforce the habit of yelling from frustration.

  • Let's stop screwing up unconditional love and start embracing self-acceptance. No more judging yourself.

  • Release the expectations of who you should be while giving yourself permission to want to change

  • Banish shame from your inner dialogue.

  • Embrace yourself with love and compassion, knowing that you are worthy of unconditional love – from yourself and from others.

If you need help mending your broken relationship with yourself so you can mend a broken relationship with a loved one...I can help. Schedule a relationship reset call where, together, we will

  1. Find the three, main issues

  2. Create three, main solutions

  3. Formulate a plan to fix that relationship within 12 weeks

No judgement. No pathologizing.

Just click below to schedule a chat with me

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