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  • Writer's pictureJenn

Thoughts That Keep Us From Caring For Ourselves

Updated: Apr 7, 2020

woman thinking thoughts that serve her

They are behind the guilt that we feel if we take some time to just have fun.

The resentment that we didn't get to do what we wanted. Again.

The fear that others will think we are selfish or lazy.

There are thoughts that are constantly working to form our actions and results.

The results are often overworked, exhausted, guilt-ridden women who need help maintaining their own stamina as they care for others without thought for their own resources.

Personally I want to be someone who values my life, my body, my integrity, my freedom of choice, the trust in myself enough to show up for myself in a way that allows me to show up for others.

I've had to dig for the thoughts that are driving me into the ground if I want to stop, otherwise it will feel harder than it needs to.

I won't be in alignment and living in integrity where my thoughts and actions are incongruent.

Here are some of those thoughts that can be hiding underground, puppeteering our compulsions to live a busy, exhausting life without a feeling of presence and joy.


Desire or receiving pleasure is less righteous than self-deprivation

Desires are something to be overcome

Desires can't be trusted

Desire leads you to do wrong

If I give in I will lose control

I am weak if I "give in" to emotions

We must keep our needs and desires in check, otherwise we will need someone (fear creating anti-dependence rather than independence)

Self-deprivation is what it is like to be good

Desirable women are selfless, desire-less, and put others first

Offering and yielding when others want something is an expression of goodness and proving goodness

I should be reflexively serving and happy when I am doing it

If I serve I will get a reward

The ideal woman doesn't say no

I realize I'm being a little more straight-forward with this post, but here is why.

I know moms who have imagined throwing themselves out of a moving car to escape the kids shouting things kids just shout when they don't get what they want, but those words echoed the ones that were already in her head and confirmed them as truth.

I know moms who cried out in absolute agony thinking that her kids would be better without her.

I know moms who hear things like, "You look disgusting", "You are worthless", "You don't deserve what you have", "You are not good enough", "You should know better and you should do better" and those words are coming from her own mind.

I know moms who stay up all night and start the next day to a comment about what she didn't get done and she feels absolutely defeated. And she keeps going.

I know moms who beat themselves mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally out of "love" for the people in their lives and the name of sacrifice.

This mom was me.

If there is a human within reach of this post who is wishing for the permission to take care of herself,

Waiting for the loving assurance that she is doing her very best and that she is enough,

The sweet and gentle care of the most loving and attentive heart,

Kind words of appreciation and recognition,

Admiration for her service offered without condition and out of pure love,

A nap,

A nice meal,

A day out with giggling friends,

A quiet evening alone,

Please offer it to yourself.

Challenge those thoughts in the beginning by asking, "Is that true?" And then, "Is that REALLY true?"

"Chronic self-denial in our effort to look good, garner approval or avoid disapproval is not goodness."

"Fear-based and needy service is ultimately self-centered and an unholy sacrifice."

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Are you caught in the cyclone of negative thoughts and fears that keep you from taking care of you?

I can help. I get it. Let's chat.

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