Truth: Deep relationships require honesty.
If you are busy
Pushing emotions away
Escaping them
Trying to outrun them
You don't even have the benefit of knowing your own truth.
How can you possibly share it with someone else?
When I am so angry I intentionally choose to sit with it and get to know it.
I don't feed it or caudle it.
I just sit with it.
And what I learn is that the anger, when it had permission to be there
Opens a window to what is truly going on inside.
I find that the anger covers sadness and longing.
From that place I am able to lovingly share my deep wishes for connection without blaming, sarcasm, spite
Because I actually know what my wishes were.
"I wish he would appreciate me more" may actually be
"I long for his approval".
"He is so rude" may actually be
"I deeply desire loving understanding"
"He never helps me" may actually be
"I am afraid that I can't do everything my family needs".
A vulnerable conversation may sound less like...
"You always throw me under the bus in front of the kids. I don't deserve to be treated that way. You need to stop that."
And more like
"I want so badly to be a good example for our kids and I wish for happy, sweet time together. I miss you. May I please have a hug?"
These are deeply honest statements that put you in a vulnerable place.
But they also put you in a place that is better equipped for connection and possibility for something different.
You can care for yourself during the hard moments
Have more integrity as you ask for support
And offer him the opportunity for connection
Your needs are important and valid.
Marriage is the perfect relationship to learn how to meet those needs in yourself
And how to help your husband support you,
How to support him in meeting his own, valid needs
And help you support him.
Take the time to feel the feels
Listen for the truth
Love yourself through it
And share it with love...not to change him...but to share your truth with ownership
HERE is a video that I made to walk you through processing emotions in a healthy way.
If you would like to know how to move through those emotions to create something different in your life just reach out by clicking the button below.