Updated: Aug 10, 2021
Insufficiency can show up in disguised or dressed up versions of "They aren't saying yes enough" and "I'm not enough if they say no".
Being able to say no is a skill that requires courage, mind management, honesty, and really good boundaries.
Since it is a skill it takes practice.
Practice means you must be willing to do it badly in order to learn how to do it better.
When someone is practicing setting boundaries for the first time or the 2, 143rd time it may not go well at all.
They may do it awkwardly, they may not have considered all of the variables they will on the 2, 144th time, they may be racked with guilt, or resisting feeling upset that they have to say no at all.
The great news is that we can get better at setting boundaries ourselves by being better at receiving the word no FROM A PLACE OF ABUNDANCE AND SUFFICIENCY.
That's a really important key.
When we are coming from a place of needing someone to say yes to us so that we can feel something or avoid feeling something we believe we don't have the power to do that ourselves.
We are lacking and they are not giving enough.
Sometimes, let's face it, we've been benefiting from someone saying yes to us regardless of whether they actually want to or not. When they say no, we get to step up to the plate and manage our minds on our own.
But here's a little pep talk if it is your turn at bat now.
You don't need them to say yes or pretend in order to feel loved or important.
You don't need them to lie or comply to feel needed or valuable.
You don't need to make it mean something sad about you or something like, "I'm just not fun enough".
You don't need to make it mean something negative about them, that they are selfish or rude or mean.
And you don't have to feel guilty about even thinking those things at all.
You are a human...and so are they.
But being human gets a WHOLE LOT EASIER when we get honed in on meeting our own needs instead of trying to figure out how to get them met from someone else.
We really are the best qualified for that position.