Conflict is not just about "fighting".
Conflict is about making space for two people in a relationship.
If there are two people with no conflict, chances are that one person is taking a passive, one-down position to their own wants, needs, desires
And one person is taking a dominant, one-up position to get their wants, needs, opinions acknowledged.
When conflict is seen as a bad or evil we often see "smooth-functioning avoidance" which often equals romantic death.
Conflict can be like opening a window on a stale, distant relationship.
If you are one who tends to avoid conflict by swallowing your needs
I offer a few suggestions.
Be vulnerable. In the words of Terrence Real, "If you are used to big, angry reactions, go small, go vulnerable, soften up and lead, not with righteousness, but with your own, open heart.
Have courage. Dare to rock the boat." Resentment kills intimacy.
Exercise emotional adulthood. Take responsibility for your feelings and stop trying to manage his for him. Be considerate to BOTH of you. This means if he chooses to get angry to your best efforts to be kind and calm...that is his.
Have your own back. Don't be the one who berates you, neglects you, or is unkind to you. You don't need that.
If you are a couple that tends to distance by going to your own corners until the issue is forgotten, without repair,
Conflict could be the thing that institutes change.
Dealing with conflict in a healthy way is not generally modeled in our society.
Repair entails new skills as well as unlearning old beliefs and habits.
Mentoring is an excellent, fast-track way to move past those old beliefs because we often can't even see them in ourselves.
If you want someone who can gently help you see the internalized beliefs
And create new ones that help you connect again
It's what I do.
I can help.
Just click below to schedule some talk time with me.
There is so much you can do to connect on a deeper level.