"I'm Messing Up My Kids"

And other myths.

Navigating marriage from a place of fear of messing up your kids makes sense on a primal level

You may believe that if you keep that fear alive it will help you never repeat things your parents did as partners

But works against you as you try to break unhealthy cycles from your past.

(Which feels counterintuitive......I know.)

Stay with me.

There is a better way, I promise.

You know that your unconscious mind is hanging onto the fear if you find yourself

These are rooted in clean desires to do a great job as a parent

But when it is driven by fear...it almost always comes with a desperate or controlling energy.

There are two things that I coach on immediately when you have this "messing up my kids" thought error going on.

Forgiving your parents and yourself for things in the past
Rewriting the story you are telling yourself about how messed up you are from them

Your brain will want to hang onto how wrong it was

The current, hard story of the past will feel true and unchangeable.

The reason you will want to forgive and rewrite is to prove to yourself that

YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS

You made it through that time because you are determined and strong

Those times were instrumental in helping you create commitment to yourself and others to be different

They helped you curate and tap into your greatest strengths

They didn't make you weak and they didn't make you strong.

You did that. And you are enough right now.

And those circumstances created the stones you used to elevate yourself to a new level.

You get to move on in peace
You get to work on your marriage in confidence knowing that your children may learn ways that they want to do things and learn ways they don't want to do things from your example...and that is okay.
You get to be here to do your best, not to make your kids into anything, good or bad. They will do that on their own.

Now when you love all those parts of you that have great marriage days

And not so great marriage days

You start taking action from new places like

Peace

Unconditional Love

Patience

Trust

Calm

And you will interact differently

Ways that help you show up as someone that YOU like in your marriage

And as an example that you love to the ones learning from you.

Please let me know if you would like help breaking unhealthy cycles in your relationships