And other myths.
Navigating marriage from a place of fear of messing up your kids makes sense on a primal level
You may believe that if you keep that fear alive it will help you never repeat things your parents did as partners
But works against you as you try to break unhealthy cycles from your past.
(Which feels counterintuitive......I know.)
Stay with me.
There is a better way, I promise.
You know that your unconscious mind is hanging onto the fear if you find yourself
Worrying about being like your parent
Helicoptering or micromanaging your children or spouse
Keeping them from having the same struggles as you did
Staying on constant alert of when someone is acting like your parents
Imagining your children blaming you in the future
And dwelling on your past
These are rooted in clean desires to do a great job as a parent
But when it is driven by fear...it almost always comes with a desperate or controlling energy.
There are two things that I coach on immediately when you have this "messing up my kids" thought error going on.
Forgiving your parents and yourself for things in the past
Rewriting the story you are telling yourself about how messed up you are from them
Your brain will want to hang onto how wrong it was
The current, hard story of the past will feel true and unchangeable.
The reason you will want to forgive and rewrite is to prove to yourself that
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS
You made it through that time because you are determined and strong
Those times were instrumental in helping you create commitment to yourself and others to be different
They helped you curate and tap into your greatest strengths
They didn't make you weak and they didn't make you strong.
You did that. And you are enough right now.
And those circumstances created the stones you used to elevate yourself to a new level.
You get to move on in peace
You get to work on your marriage in confidence knowing that your children may learn ways that they want to do things and learn ways they don't want to do things from your example...and that is okay.
You get to be here to do your best, not to make your kids into anything, good or bad. They will do that on their own.
Now when you love all those parts of you that have great marriage days
And not so great marriage days
You start taking action from new places like
Peace
Unconditional Love
Patience
Trust
Calm
And you will interact differently
Ways that help you show up as someone that YOU like in your marriage
And as an example that you love to the ones learning from you.
Please let me know if you would like help breaking unhealthy cycles in your relationships
To create something new for you and your children
Just click below to schedule a call