His Choices Affect Mine
What do you do when the consequences of his behavior impact your life in a big way?
"I'm stuck with what he chooses to do!"
I'll tell you a story about a woman who made some decisions that led to EVICTION.
She didn't consult her husband AT ALL.
She just made the decision and told him he now had a decision to make.
To stay with her or go.
She and her husband had to leave their home, their town
They had to change jobs
They had to work harder than they ever had before
It cost them everything they knew up to then...
And gave them more than they ever knew was possible.
He had some huge decisions to make when he saw those consequences coming.
Adam spent no time resisting what Eve had done.
There was no, "How could you do this to me?"
"I feel so disrespected."
"We wouldn't have to work this hard if you had just stuck with the fruit we had."
He simply said, "I see that this must be", made his decision, and never looked back from a place of blame.
He makes it seem so easy but we know it isn't.
But there are some simple tools he put into place that saved him mental and emotional suffering.
He did not spend time resisting what is. When we do this it is like fighting gravity, cursing the fact that it exists, and wasting our energy.
He took responsibility for his choice. He did not believe that he "had" to stay with Eve. He chose and whatever came was now a consequence of his decision to stay, not a consequence of her eating the fruit without him.
He realized the higher goal. It was never to stay in the garden. It was to experience hardship and trials and use them to grow. He considered it part of the process.
Sometimes we believe that the trouble-free, on-budget, no-yelling, garden is the point.
But is it?
If you have a human who is not complying to your dreams of bliss...
Don't spend your energy resisting what is going on. The facts are...he did that thing, said that word, looked at that picture. You need that energy to make some strong decisions.
Take responsibility for your choice. If you choose to stay...who will you be when he does that thing rather than using your strength to make him stop doing that thing? How will you take good, loving care of yourself when that happens? If you choose to leave...don't blame it on him. You just don't want to be the marriage where that is involved. Keep your agency.
Stay focused on your higher goal. Is it connection? Growth? Integrity? You get to choose.
Eve made a power move toward who she believed she was meant to be.
Adam made a power move toward who he wanted to be.
As close as they were, they made some strong choices without the other.
You can too...regardless of the choices he is making.
Breathe: You have choices.
Breathe: You have the wisdom to choose your higher goals.
Breathe: You have the ability to show up as someone you are proud of regardless of what he is doing
Breathe: You can handle discomfort.
Breathe: Discomfort and trials do not need to mean something has gone wrong
A beautiful garden was still available to them.
They just needed to work for this one.
A beautiful, loving relationship is available to you
If you stay OR if you go
It's just working in a way that uses what you truly have dominion over...
Please reach out if you want my help to build the skills to do that masterfully.