When you suffer a loss of any kind, grief is the natural course.
As a young girl I would imagine what my husband would be like,
what my kids would be like,
what marriage would be like.
And try as I might as an adult...it rarely looked like I had imagined.
The loss here was the life I thought I would have that didn't happen.
Grief is still real in these moments.
The pain is still real.
If you are grieving a relationship that isn't how you wanted
I want to shine a light at the end of your tunnel.
Your relationship with them is in your control
There is a type of pain that grows you
Your relationship is the way you see yourself in relation to them.
It doesn't actually depend on whether they agree with your perception or not.
There have been times I thought I had an amazing relationship with someone and found out later that the feeling was not mutual.
I had created that good relationship all on my own.
And I can keep it if I choose to. Without ANY evidence or cooperation from them.
Because I get to choose my thoughts.... and my relationships are my thoughts about how I believe I am in relation to someone else.
The awesome thing is that when I feel in a good place in my relationship, even if they don't,
I show up as someone that I really like in that relationship.
I'm not bitter, resentful, needy, graspy, convincing
Because I know where our relationship stands.
Exactly where I decide.
You can tell if the pain you feel is a growing type of pain
Or a stuck kind of pain
By what you feel like doing inside that pain.
Clean, growing pain, feels like loving yourself and others through it.
It can feel huge and intense
But the stuck kind of pain feels like blame.
We play hot potato with it, blaming someone else, then feeling ashamed, stuck in this cycle.
Pain is part of this existence.
If we love...we must be open to the pain of grief and loss.
If you have a relationship that is lacking, there is something you can do about it.
It takes work.
It takes effort.
But you are not helpless and you are not hopeless if they are not interested in working with you on that.
You can do it without them.
You are already working hard to manage the feelings about it
Just make sure you are working hard on something you really can control.
That will never be them.
And as always,
I'm thinking of you
And I'm here if you need me.
I can help you change the relationship even if they don't want to.
You have that power. You just need some tools.
My best to you,