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  • Writer's pictureJenn

Get Rid of Criticism Once and for All

Updated: Mar 22




Ever asked, "Why do I criticize so much?"

"Why am I criticizing my child (or my husband)?"


You were just “saying it like it is” in a moment of frustration, and then see their face drop

You realize, "I just criticized someone I love. Again."

Dang, it.

 

In January, I committed to myself, and shared it with you,

By the end of 2024 I would be someone who never feels the need to criticize.


I’m here to report, in March, that I have pretty much arrived.


I have had fantastic opportunities….


  • Friends have criticized people that do things I don’t like either

Leaving me the perfect space to insert my snarky, sarcastic, critical comment

They would have laughed and thought I was witty.


But I just sat there calmly, no need to contribute.

Not even an itch.


  • I’ve heard angry stories that are lacking supportive details that I possess that would add to the indignation of their point


It's not that I was biting my tongue or squirming in my seat

I just felt no need to speak up.

None.


It is a beautiful feeling, my friends.

 

I want to tell you how


So YOU can be the one calmly sitting there....

Calm as a summer breeze....


Maintaining connection with others

But mostly with you.

NO more feeling guilty and terrible when you walk away.

 

It is so much easier than I ever thought.

 

The secret?

Be okay with you.

 

Each morning I would write my intention down:  refuse to criticize

And each evening I would review how I did

And I found a pattern.

 

The more okay I was with myself

The more okay I was with others being themselves.

 

For instance, if I was tempted to criticize a child's choices


When I asked myself, "Where am I believing this will help me?"

  • I thought it would save me from believing I had failed them as a parent

  • It would help me feel smarter or knowledgeable than them, cuddling my "inadequate parent" insecurity like a woobie,

  • It could protect me from feelings that may happen as a consequence of their choices. Mad feels more empowered than sad.

My reactive, unexamined brain was wrong.

Criticizing only ever made me feel worse about myself and never, ever helped them.



If I didn't want to feel like a mean person by asking someone to stop doing something or start doing something, criticism tried to help protect me from self-assault.


BUT... if I am just a victim of their ignorance or bad behavior, I don't have to

  • take uncomfortable action (like asking them to stop or setting a boundary)

  • and then deal with my own emotional whiplash, self-judgement, shame, and second-guessing


Criticism would only be an attempt to feel better about myself by making someone else smaller and me bigger or better in some way.

 

The only reason I felt a need to criticize was to validate myself in some way.


When I am solid in the belief that my thoughts and feelings ARE valid

That I am valid

I needed nothing outside of me to validate myself or my views.

 

If you want to get to a place of confidence and calm:

If you want to stop criticizing once and for all


End self-criticism.


Let yourself be valid and enough

 

Because when you are okay with you

  • You are always okay

  • Taken care of

  • Safe

  • Nothing to prove

 

If you are tempted to criticize, I would like you to try asking yourself

Where am I believing this will help me?  And see what comes up for you.


(and then email to tell me what you discovered because I get ALL EXCITED about stuff like that)


You deserve to live free of criticism.


PS Would you like help ending the habit of criticism? Schedule a call for a free relationship reset call to find out


  • What the actual problem is

  • Three solutions

  • How coaching can help you become the person you want to be




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