Does this cause Hurt or Harm?
Knowing the difference between hurt and harm
Can mean the difference between success and failure
Part of our brain is there just to keep us alive
It is hypervigilant in it's quest for safety
It sees danger in discomfort
And the problem is....growing requires discomfort
(Just like working out at the gym)
Coaching teaches the process of knowing how to challenge your own thinking
To evaluate if this is actually something that will hurt you or harm you.
There is a difference.
When you get a tooth filled at the dentist it can hurt
But the actual harm came from the sugar
When discomfort creates growth...then it becomes worth the work.
When that primal brain does not want to do the work it often shuts down the thinking process by saying things like:
"I can't afford it" (versus I will work to figure out how)
"I need to talk to my partner" (instead of...I'm afraid I might fail so if he is on board I won't feel like it's all on my shoulders)
"I can't." (It could be a lot of work to see myself as being capable of that)
It is the adult equivalent of, "because I said so...."
What our parents used to tell us when they didn't want to talk about it.
The brain would rather eat the sugar and skip the workout and not have to explain why.
This is a totally normal, human experience
But it keeps you still
Stuck
Using outside things to solve an inside problem
Today I am creating a worksheet for a young man that I coach.
He is trying to know how to make the decision to ask to be taken out of the game when his pitching arm hurts or to stay in.
I will go through the questions to ask himself to decide what is the truth?
Is he trying to avoid feeling like a failure...that could lead to becoming a better pitcher
Or if this is something that could cause an injury that could affect him for the season
The process involves HIM being able to SEE THE TRUTH
(Because I hate to say it, but the brain will lie to get out of doing more work)
And make the best decision for him. He remains the expert of his own mind.
When he can see the truth he can make a decision that lines up with his values
AND THEN HE APPLIES THIS IMPORTANT LESSON
To have his own back with his decision.
That means that after he has done his best to make a decision he feels good about
His job is to
Protect himself from self-assault
Protect himself from self-judgement
Learn from it no matter what and
HAVE HIS BACK.
In the end he decides what is the best decision.
Not because he can predict the outcome accurately...but because he will grow from it.
How awesome is it that he can have this skill at the beginning of his life?
I have created 5 video modules to help parents learn how to teach their kids the basics of emotional management
To stay calm AND process feelings in a healthy way
See their negative thoughts and change them on purpose
How to love themselves and still try to improve
And more.
If these are skills you are still working on too...you can both learn together.
Anyone who signs up for my 12 week coaching program gets these modules and workbook for free.
If you would like to learn how to know the difference between hurt and harm in your life
And then know for sure how to move forward toward your relationship goals
Just schedule a call below.
I can help you.