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Do you suffer from disappointment

When your family doesn't look like you thought?

We often have visions of what our family life will look like –

  • The laughing, joking family dinners.

  • The adoring spouse who shows love in your exact love language.

  • The happy children who are so grateful for the improvements you made on your parents' parenting

– only to find ourselves facing a reality that doesn't quite match our expectations.

  • Loud arguments?

  • Broken promises?

  • Slamming doors?

  • Addiction...verbal abuse...

  • Kids that shower us with words that can hurt instead of gratitude for all that we do?

That was NOT part of the plan!

If you're nodding your head in recognition, you're not alone.

Many people find themselves grappling with disappointment when their family does not look like they thought it would.

And then feeling guilty for wishing things were different.

But we aren't robots.

We have dreamed about families since we were singing about them in primary

And when reality looks nothing like what we thought

Feelings happen.

It's okay.

Here are three ways to make some space to be a human with a family that didn't follow the script.

Grieving What You Thought Would Be

When our reality falls short of our expectations, it's natural to feel a sense of loss and disappointment.

We may mourn the dreams and plans we had for our family, wondering why things didn't turn out as we hoped.

But here's the thing: grieving what you thought would be is not a sign of weakness or ingratitude – it's a step on the path to acceptance and healing.

Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with disappointment – sadness, anger, frustration – and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the family you envisioned.

Tell the Truth to Yourself

The reason you are feeling disappointed, frustrated, shame, regret

Any of the feelings

Is because of what you are making your circumstances (what they think, feel, do) mean.

The actual truth?

(With all kinds of love...)

You made a script up and other humans, with different scripts, didn't follow it.


We all do it because

Our brains are wired to protect us from any danger in the future by anticipating.


We just forget sometimes that

The way it exactly the way it was supposed to happen.

The other way...? We made that up.

You can acknowledge your disappointment and allow yourself to sit with it AND SKIP the judgment or self-criticism.

Remember, it's okay to not be okay when you it wasn't what you thought – your feelings are valid and deserving of acknowledgment.

I'm Feeling Disappointed and That's Okay

Repeat after me: "I'm feeling disappointed, and that's okay."

Say it out loud, write it down, let it sink in.

Disappointment is a natural part of the human experience, and it's okay to feel it without shame or guilt.

By embracing your disappointment with compassion and acceptance, you create space for healing and growth.

You give yourself permission to release the burden of unmet expectations and embrace the beauty of your imperfect, messy, and wonderfully unique family

And the potential for what you can become BECAUSE of it.

If you find yourself grappling with disappointment when your family does not look like you thought it would, know that you are not alone.

Feel free to decrease the burden of guilt by allowing YOURSELF to be different than you thought.

Besides being the person who gives the rides, makes the dinner...all the things that you do


You write scripts in your head for life and get surprised sometimes when the plot doesn't go as planned.

Treat yourself with courage and compassion, knowing that it does not define you or your worth.

Your family may not look like you thought it would, but it is still beautiful, still worthy of love, and still uniquely yours.

And it is HOW you and God cocreate the acceptance that will eventually create the happiness and peace with what is.

These are the things that God uses to create strength in us.

Do you want help loving you when you're not loving the family situation you are in? I've got you.

Just click the button below to schedule a relationship reset call with me.

Together we will:

1. Find the three actual problems

2. Identify three doable solutions

3. Talk about how coaching can help you get peace and relief

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