We've all heard the stories of the chronically overwhelmed, overworked, and depleted person who just has it one day and becomes a minimalist.
She throws out their stuff, donates the storage unit, buys a tiny home, and goes on to live with two outfits, one bowl, one spoon, and time to sit by the lake and watch birds.
Or at least we've fantasized about it.
And although minimalism describes the amount of things that are left, essentialism defines what is left.
Essentialism is the art of being selective about what stays in your life, including the things taking up space in your mind and with your time,
The things that stay, truly result in a more meaningful, richer, sweeter life.
Relationships are no exception.
A marriage can begin to feel complicated, dramatic, and chaotic.
In order to make the decision of whether YOU stay or go, with clarity of purpose instead of impulse, there must be the ability to see the difference between external circumstances and internal clutter that generates exhaustion.
If you don't know where the overwhelm is coming from
You may believe the spouse is the source of the exhaustion, overwork, and depletion in our relationship
And throw the wrong thing out.
Now you may decide, one day, with clarity and purpose, that leaving is the right thing for you to do.
But doing it on impulse, in an effort to escape the hard feelings, creates more pain later.
***If you're hoping for simplicity and peace...that's not the direction to go.***
Essentialism in marriage means decluttering your internal life FIRST.
It is throwing out the internal messages, dialogue, patterns, beliefs that contribute to overwhelm
It is donating the responsibilities that are genuinely not yours and outside of your control back to the appropriate owners so you have energy for the things you really do control
It is creating space for the beliefs that are truly effective, essential, and peace-promoting. The true things that truly matter to you, bring joy, calm, presence to your life and your relationship. Thoughts that restore and rejuvenate you so you can bring a full you that can make a valuable contribution to your marriage.
So you can make good decisions about the external things NEXT.
Decisions that you love your reasons for,
Feel good about,
Have your own back on,
Can live with the consequences of.
I'm not saying to "do with" less in one of the most important relationships in your life.
I'm saying do with less of what does not work so you can have more.
Here is a good start to "declutter" your marriage right away.
I'll give you one thing to keep and
One thing to let go
For more energy and focus for that relationship you want to want to last
Delete: The Belief That Others Give You Emotions
The truth is that others cannot make you feel anything
Feelings come from our thoughts.
Others do not make our feelings.
We know this because, one, we can't make someone feel loved, for example, no matter how many ways we may show them.
If they don't want to, they won't.
Different people feel differently about the exact, same circumstances.
That mean the difference comes from within.
Keep: Get Good At Giving To Yourself
You are already good at giving to others.
Now get good at giving to you.
Since he can't make you feel what you need to feel, how can you give yourself what you need?
If you are feeling lonely, depleted, exhausted, unappreciated...those are important needs.
Are you hoping and wanting someone else to do that for you?
Why? Why not you?
Where can you appreciate yourself more?
Where are you leaving yourself alone? And how can you create belonging for you?
Where are you not giving yourself rest? And how can you give yourself rest?
Where are you not filling yourself? And how can you be more efficient with your energy?
How can you meet those needs so that you have enough to share?
When you can take that energy you used to spend trying to change him to feel better,
And put it toward giving to you.
Then you come to your marriage filled, whole, complete.
That is an efficient use of time, effort, and energy because it is something we actually can control.
That simple, uncomplicated life is possible for you without doing more.
Even if he doesn't want to change.
To listen to a quick video about how to create more by carrying less in your marriage, just click below.