Do Marriage and Minimalism Go Together?
We've all heard the stories of the chronically overwhelmed, overworked, and depleted person who just has it one day and becomes a minimalist.
She throws out their stuff, donates the storage unit, buys a tiny home, and goes on to live with two outfits, one bowl, one spoon, and time to sit by the lake and watch birds.
Or at least we've fantasized about it.
And although minimalism describes the amount of things that are left, essentialism defines what is left.
Essentialism is the art of being selective about what stays in your life, including the things taking up space in your mind and with your time,
The things that stay, truly result in a more meaningful, richer, sweeter life.
Relationships are no exception.
A marriage can begin to feel complicated, dramatic, and chaotic.
In order to make the decision of whether YOU stay or go, with clarity of purpose instead of impulse, there must be the ability to see the difference between external circumstances and internal clutter that generates exhaustion.
If you don't know where the overwhelm is coming from
You may believe the spouse is the source of the exhaustion, overwork, and depletion in our relationship
And throw the wrong thing out.
Him.
Now you may decide, one day, with clarity and purpose, that leaving is the right thing for you to do.
But doing it on impulse, in an effort to escape the hard feelings, creates more pain later.
***If you're hoping for simplicity and peace...that's not the direction to go.***
Essentialism in marriage means decluttering your internal life FIRST.
It is throwing out the internal messages, dialogue, patterns, beliefs that contribute to overwhelm
It is donating the responsibilities that are genuinely not yours and outside of your control back to the appropriate owners so you have energy for the things you really do control
It is creating space for the beliefs that are truly effective, essential, and peace-promoting. The true things that truly matter to you, bring joy, calm, presence to your life and your relationship. Thoughts that restore and rejuvenate you so you can bring a full you that can make a valuable contribution to your marriage.
So you can make good decisions about the external things NEXT.
Decisions that you love your reasons for,
Feel good about,
Have your own back on,
Can live with the consequences of.
I'm not saying to "do with" less in one of the most important relationships in your life.
I'm saying do with less of what does not work so you can have more.
Connection.
Love.
Compassion.
Creativity.
Joy.
Passion.
Patience.
Appreciation.
Here is a good start to "declutter" your marriage right away.
I'll give you one thing to keep and
One thing to let go
For more energy and focus for that relationship you want to want to last
Delete: The Belief That Others Give You Emotions
The truth is that others cannot make you feel anything
Feelings come from our thoughts.
Others do not make our feelings.
We know this because, one, we can't make someone feel loved, for example, no matter how many ways we may show them.