Do you need your spouse to change so that things can get better?
You are normal if you said yes....
But wrong.
The actual way to feel happier, more loving starts with doing the profound inner work of healing yourself.
I'll explain..
Imagine that the annoying habits, unmet needs, are mirrors reflecting the parts of you that need love and growth.
When you stop avoiding that work by trying to control them, you create space for deeper intimacy to evolve.
This doesn't mean you don't have expectations of your spouse.
It means you adjust how you see and approach some differences.
Trying to control your partner may look like:
You should show me that you love me in my love language
You need to parent the children differently
You need to spend money differently
Eat better, work out more so that we can be together longer and I don't worry about you (which feels SO LOVING, right?)
Stop spending so much time doing that (gaming, working, etc)
You may love them like crazy, but
If it is from the belief that in order to feel less stress, more loving, more secure they need to change
Your power to feel differently is in their hands.
You have the power to do that now.
They never had it.
If we were to switch the center of control in the examples above they could say:
I can notice how they love me in other love languages
I can show my children another approach to this life lesson or
I can protect my children from treatment I see as being abusive or wrong
I can make a decision about how I handle money in response to their spending
I will thoroughly enjoy the time we have together knowing that we have no idea how long any of us are going to be here
I could join you (gaming, or working at my job more, etc) but I don't want to spend my time that way
These put the control back in your hands.
It means that you will need to take full responsibility for following through on boundaries
You will need to see yourself as capable of handling feelings that come as you change and maybe they don't
It means you may need to face the spouse you have instead of the one you imagined that they should be or could be
But when the pressure is released from them by having to conform to what you want them to be instead
And the pressure is released from you of needing them to change to be happy or feel okay
Both of you can get to work on BEING YOU and BEING HAPPY.
Do you want to develop the skills to
Handle unmet expectations
Setting boundaries
Managing your mind to be okay when they aren't?
Please let me help you.
When you break it down, it is just going through some very basic steps that you can learn in 12 weeks.
Just schedule a call to see how that works.
Just click the button.
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