When we hold onto a grudge it takes the attention off of the actual problem.
Because no one wants to think THEY could actually have the issue.
It means we have to face changing something inside.
Or recognizing things that we maybe don't like about ourselves so much.
But grudges don't feel so good either.
They rub some guilt and some anger into a wound we are protecting.
They also serve us in other ways too.
They help us remember how right we are.
And how much better we are than that other person.
I like being right too! I get it!
But we have the ability to rid ourselves of the poisonous, low-level thinking and feeling that comes along with being the host of a parasitic grudge.
Grudges suck us of happiness, peace, contentment.
As long as we harbor grudges against people who make mistakes...WE can't make mistakes without cognitive dissonance, what happens when our actions and our beliefs are in conflict.
Do you remember the stories we all read in elementary schools about how they used to trap raccoons back in the old days?
They would put something shiny in a jar with a hole smaller than a fist. When the raccoons reached in for the sparkly treasure they just couldn't resist, they would sit there all day and all night trapped rather than relaxing their fists to release the prize so their hands could slip out free to wreak havoc on the corn fields another day.
Grudges feel important.
If we let go, what would that mean?
That it was okay?
We were giving permission?
We are accepting evil?
If I was thinking that, I would stay on a tree limb with my hand in a jar until I died up there.
But HOW DOES THAT SERVE ME?
I stay stuck.
And a bit miserable every time I am reminded of that grudge.
It doesn't serve THEM to let it go.
IT SERVES ME.
I get to run into people all of the time that I genuinely love or wish the best for.
Is it worth giving up the shiny grudge to live free of a darkened heart?
It takes work.
Discomfort.
Self-compassion.
Determination.
A hope of how you know you could feel otherwise.
If I can do it, you can do it.
HERE is how I got through two grudges of my own. See if they help you through yours. It's about keeping the attention on the actual solution.
If you are having trouble letting go of a grudge, I get it. HERE is how I coached myself on how to release a grudge and move on.
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