Are You a Priority Too?
Do you have too many responsibilities to have fun?
Or sleep
Take the vacation
Meal prep
Exercise
If you are like many of my hard-working, reliable, responsible clients
It is easy to get caught up in the undercurrent of feeling sorry for yourself for not having the time, resources, or ability to make yourself a priority.
You will always figure out a way to take care of others in your life
But you rarely make that list.
Trying to improve a relationship
Communicate better
Make the effort to date weekly
from overwhelm, depletion, and sometimes
I'll say it...
Resentment
Makes it worse
It is communicated in your non-verbal language and vibration
And sometimes you may unintentionally sabotage your own efforts just to get some relief.
Spouses want to be chosen.
They want to know that they matter
More than laundry or soccer games
But it is extremely hard to choose anyone above survival levels
If you aren't choosing YOU.
Imagine this:
A friend waiting for you at a restaurant.
You said you would meet her at noon.
She waits,
Wondering if she should eat...she's hungry...
Wondering if you are okay...
Until finally she gives up.
You reschedule...and it happens again.
After having this happen so many times she will stop believing you will ever show up
And you stop telling her you want to get together.
You are this girl.
You need to choose yourself.
You need to make the list of priorities.
You need to communicate to yourself that you matter too
And you need to develop the trust in yourself that you will give yourself what you need in order to show up how you want to in the world.
Fun and joy help you toward those hard-to-reach emotions that help you interact with the hubs in a kinder way
Listen with the intent of understanding
Set loving boundaries
Let go of trying to control and manage his emotional experience
And manage your emotional experience
Bridge emotions, like bridge thoughts,
Help you get closer to the emotional space you really want to be eventually
Like compassion, love, acceptance, non-judgement, confidence, excitement.
You may not be there yet...but trying to get there from depletion will make it so much harder.
Trying to get there from enjoyment and fun and playful is a much, much smaller, doable step.
There will be a part of your brain that will tell you that you can't have fun
You have too much to do
You don't have enough time
You don't have enough money
And that you have to have time, money come to you to do it.
It is lying.
Planners, time, money, and husbands do not create "fun".
That is done in the mind.
With the thoughts you choose to create and nurture.
Thoughts like
I have too much to do
I can't just let my kids starve
I literally don't have time
Feel heavy and like self-pity
Thoughts like
I am the fun
I'm that person that could make a trip to the super-market worthy of a Sprite commercial
I take great, loving care of my kids because I love those little things AND
I take great, loving care of my kids because I love myself.
I work hard and I play hard.
I make fun happen for myself.
I make the list.
You cannot wait for the "fun fairy" to come hit you on the head with magic dust and have that fun in your life
Or the magic vacation
Or the perfect fantasy book
You choose to make your fun and your enjoyment a priority
Stop waiting to have fun until the list is done and everyone else is "taken care of"
Show up and do things differently
Think different things about you, your life, your abilities
How?
1. Decide that you are going to incorporate more fun into you
2. Ask. What is something fun you can do?
3. What do you need to think to have fun and be playful?
When is the last time you felt joyful or playful? What were you thinking? (It was not the activity. It was what you were thinking during the activity.)
4. Choose to redirect to fun thoughts throughout the day.
This is a skill I use DAILY in my life and I teach my clients to use it daily.
Today I am someone who has expanded my capacity to create more time for myself
Create more resources for myself
Take on service for others, responsibilities, and being there for my family
AND
Take my dream trip to snowshoe the waterfalls of Oregon.
I will get back just in time to teach my lesson at church
Filled
Calm
Ready
And start another week of helping my sister move
Coaching
Volunteering with an activity for the 7-11 year old boys in my church
Working on the house
And all of the things that go along with having a house and a body that require maintenance
Not by being different as a human...
By thinking thoughts like:
I have plenty of time for the things that are important to me
I am important too
I show up better for others when I make the list of priorities
I have the ability to figure this out
Part of truly living is taking time to enjoy it and being present
I made a workshop to teach you how to create space for yourself
So you have more space for others.
You can find it HERE
(I especially like the part that teaches you how to delegate, DIY, or delete)
Now go make some fun in your responsible, reliable life!
Those things can absolutely go together.
