When you stop expecting certain things from your spouse or your marriage...are you withdrawing or are you accepting what is?
It could be either. But you can know the difference immediately. Now and in the moment.
I'll explain.
Imagine sitting in the sun.
(A welcome feeling coming from -24 degrees here in Idaho!)
The sun is 50% wonderful and 50% not.
It warms the skin, grows crops, helps vitamin D and sun tans
It also contributes to skin cancer, drought, and heat exhaustion.
You may begin to think that the temperature is intolerable.
It doesn't help to yell at it or shake fists.
It just does what suns do.
It is a waste of effort, energy, and time to focus on how to best change the sun.
The next move is yours.
Put sun screen on?
Build a shelter?
Go inside?
There are so many options to consider when you aren't distracted by believing that the sun should be different.
And getting angry when it isn't.
So have you been distancing or accepting in your relationship?
The answer is in how you feel when you do it.
If you feel resentful...you are withdrawing.
If you can feel loving...you are accepting.
You could distance yourself from the sun in anger and bitterness and taint your experience inside
You could distance yourself out of love for yourself and thank yourself inside for the kind things you just did for your skin
OR
You could choose to sweat it out accepting that suns shine hotly sometimes but it is worth it
The very biggest key, my friend, is to keep your power to choose...
Not give that power away with blame to a spouse acting like a human
Sometimes distance is the perfect thing to do.
Sometimes you need a little time out.
Breathing room.
Space to think.
But using distance to avoid with resentment does not renew and recharge you for the next effort to connect.
It disconnects you from him
And you from your power to change your experience for the better.
It is not sustainable for a healthy, long-term relationship.
When you have a need...you have some great options:
Ask for him to change to make it easier for you. If his answer is no, go to step 3. Or...
Just relish and enjoy what is given
Realize how important that need is and handle it
You may decide that an expectation is one you want to keep. You can actually leave and feel totally loving and accepting.
You may decide to let that expectation go and still feel totally loving and accepting.
The benefit is that you get to feel peaceful either way.
If he goes by expectations or not.
If you choose to stay or not.
That skill alone changes everything.
Push the button below if you want to stop distancing and creating resentment in your marriage. In one discovery call I can help you see how you can start changing that right away.