Acting Out Emotions Is Not Feeling Them
When you are so upset that you shout, shut down, lash out, distance yourself...
Saying, "I don't want to feel this...."
This the first indication that you are not actually FEELING the anger.
You are resisting it.
When humans don't want to feel something like anger or frustration they shout, shut down, lash out, and distance to get away from it.
I'm going to tell you something that may feel really out there...
Truly feeling it
Leaning into it
Giving it permission to be there
Noticing how it feels in the body
Being "all in" for feeling feelings
Allows it to pass through quicker with less suffering
Allowing yourself to be a human with feelings instead of judging yourself for having them allows it to pass through quicker with less suffering
The goal of this life is not to be robot-like and not experience negative things.
Growth requires negative things.
Growth is a part of life that makes it amazing!
Growth helps us develop deeper relationships
And it feels terrible sometimes.
Today I feel distraught.
It is 100% from the thoughts in my mind.
It makes my throat tight and my stomach tense to the point of nausea.
I have butterflies in the top of my stomach and heavy lead in the bottom.
I want to hide under my covers and go back to bed,
Watch Baby Ballroom and not come out until my husband comes home to wrap me up in a hug.
And then my mind goes to all of the reasons why I shouldn't be in this situation at all.
It tries to take stock of the part of my personality that created this for myself
The part that is not my favorite about myself,
That I don't really love.
And then starts going back into history of when I've done this before...
And on, and on, and on.
So here is what I am doing.
When I feel my stomach tighten against the butterflies
I breathe and relax into it.
I notice the thoughts and self-rejection and I imagine myself hugging that part of me that expects people to be more like me and judges people for not acting how I think they should.
I tell myself, "This is part of growing. This is part of the human experience. It is okay to feel distraught. You are human. I have you."
I notice the sensations and notice the urges to hide.
And I stay here at my computer writing a letter to you so you can know what you can do when this happens to you....feeling distraught.
The primal brain will signal that feeling uncomfortable is dangerous and shout at you to stop and hide, escape and evade!
Powerful, forward movement,
It is the price of your dreams
Your improvement as a person
Your increasing capacity to be more compassionate and understanding
Opening up to all of the feelings is the way to where you want to go.
I want you to get to those places too.