Do you ever feel like you are working so much harder than it should take?
Like those dreams when you are running, heart pounding, sweating and going nowhere?
Have you ever had that moment when you feel like things are really easy? When you are at the top of your game, great mood, focused, and just on fire?
This is how working in alignment feels.
And if you are having those struggle moments, when you are feeling like something invisible is resisting your efforts…it is. This is what it feels like to be out of alignment.
Imagine that beliefs are like streams that run toward a result. We often believe that we just land, or are born, in a stream and that’s the stream we have to work in. If we see that it’s not moving toward the result we want, we spend a great deal of energy paddling against the current, white knuckling, grinding, gasping, fighting to make it toward another result. It’s just exhausting and expensive in so many ways.
What if you believe in your heart that you are lazy, that you don’t deserve to be happy, that you aren’t enough? But you want to lose weight. And so you fight to resist eating poorly, and you work out like a woman on a mission, and in the back of your mind, without even hearing, you have your brain whispering to you that you don’t have what it takes, that you’ve failed time and again, and you don’t have the willpower.
Can you see how in a moment of exhaustion, it would be like surrendering to the current and taking a break?
Can you see how fear would be the motivating power that keeps you paddling?
THE THOUGHT OF SELF-LOVE AND APPROVAL WOULD BE A THREAT TO THIS IDEA. Because the belief that you must disapprove of the person you are today in order to improve is what keeps this person fighting.
The problem is that current is heading straight toward the result of overeating.
Now imagine getting into a stream that feels like “I’m lovable”, “I love every bit of me”, “I am enough just how I am”. The current is headed in the direction you want to go. You already have what you are looking for, approval, love, acceptance, and so you are motivated from a place of abundance rather than lack. You love your body, so you want to take care of it. You approve of yourself, so you don’t have the secret approval of self-punishment. There is no judgement when a mistake is made, rather a learning experience that helps for next time. You don’t eat to hide from uncomfortable feelings, because you don’t make it mean that something is wrong with you. You’ve got your back. And it feels so much easier.
You can coach yourself in moments like these.
1. Recognize when things have become harder than you know they probably should be. If you are white-knuckling, something is probably off.
2. Identify what result you are looking for.
Example: I want to feel more connected to my child.
3. Find your beliefs. A way to tease this from your brain is to find where you blame your problem (Ask why can’t I do this?).
Example: Why can’t I feel connected with my child? He/she is stubborn, lazy, ornery, belligerent, fights with things I say.
(Coaching hint ya’ll…#1, it’s NEVER about them or it, whatever the problem is. #2, it’s going to have a “this shouldn’t be” flavor) Really common answers: They shouldn’t be acting like this, I should be better, They should know better, I should know better, They should have a better parent, I should have a better child, and on and on. Take just a moment to realize that these thoughts ARE NOT flowing toward the result of feeling more connected. Sitting in that stream, or belief, will not get you where you want to go. This is where the misalignment is.
4. Ask, “What do I need to believe in order to feel …fill in the blank”
Example: I need to believe that “This is an important component of his/her growth”
(Coaching hint: Some variation of, “This should be happening” like, I chose the life plan where people get to choose how they act. They should be choosing how they behave.)
5. Stand up, get out of that current and get in a new one. Practice your new belief. It has nothing to do with what is “most true”, which is what your brain is going to tell you. We can build evidence to support any belief we want to. The question to ask your brain is, “Is this belief going to get me the result I want?” Practice by repeating it often, out loud, with emotion, with conviction to create a new neuropathway, a new freeway in your mind.
When you are acting in alignment with your beliefs it will feel like floating the Bear River on the 4th of July. Doesn't that sound so much nicer than paddling upstream?
What thoughts are you thinking that are out of alignment with the result that you want?