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You Can't Heal What You Hate


Would you ever say things like this to your good friend?

"I'll take care of you this time if you give me what I want back."

"You can rest as long as you push it once you get up."

"You look disgusting."

"I can't count on you."

"You are never there when I need you."

"I don't like you but I need you."

Unfortunately, we speak to ourselves and our bodies this way. A lot.

I realized this one day when I discovered that I was only taking care of myself in order to get something back.

I would NEVER treat someone I love like that.

You actually have a relationship with your body.


How good is it?

  • Are you willing to take care of it if it gives you what you want?

  • Do you see it as something to conquer or overcome?

  • Do you trust it to give you good information?

  • Do you trust it to do its best?


These questions can give you some insight as to where you are at right now.

What if you find that your relationship is lacking?

The first step is to realize how this has been serving you.

Sometimes we are operating under a belief that in order to improve, we must disapprove of where we are now.

To approve of who we are today, how our body looks, what we look like, how fast we can run would mean that this is where we stay. Forever. If we continue to operate under that belief system.

It would literally be a threat to like and love yourself.

And people who operate under this belief, are often, out of love, showing others how they aren't measuring up too, to "help them" disapprove of themselves forward.

What do you say we change that belief system? The reason we would want to do this, is that hatred does not lead to healing. In any relationship.


Here is one example of how disapproval of yourself is out of alignment with healing.

When we are thinking disapproving thoughts (you are getting so fat), we may feel self-loathing. We may then act in ways that are punitive in response to that feeling (this may look like an extra hard workout session as a "consequence" of eating sugar). The result is often rebellion against our own "punishments"(we binge next time we get a chance).

Before we go on...this does NOT mean that extra hard workouts are always a punishment, but there is definately a difference between the hateful punishment workout because we "screwed up" and the kind where we are cheering ourselves on in our mind, "You've got this! This is just what we need today!".


Here is an example of a loving, healing belief system and process:

Thought: I love you no matter what

Feeling: Self-acceptance

Actions: I'm going to eat this because it will help you heal

Results: Healing

I'll give an example of a time when you love yourself and go against your plan:

Thought: I love you no matter what

Feeling: Self-acceptance

Actions: I'm going to choose to eat the doughnut today

Result: I can recognize how I genuinely feel from that and safely decide to do something different next time.


If you want to take some action today to develop a more loving relationship with yourself, speak to yourself as you would a good friend.

What kinds of things does your loving relationship involve? And incorporate them in your life for yourself.

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