When You Feel Betrayed

And how to make strong decisions about how to move forward

Feelings of betrayal come in lots of degrees of heat.

We have the heavy hitters like betrayal in marriage where it feels like the kind of burn where they put you into a coma while you heal.

We have the piping hot varieties of being let go after years of faithful service that just make you want to throw it back at them.

And we have the luke-warm types that just make you want to dump your cup and get an icy refill.

Whatever the case is that speaks to you, betrayal is known for being the holy ground that boundaries are drawn.

It's where we put a line in the sand and make decisions about whether some things are worth the pain and worth the work.

For the record, I don't believe these moments are bad.

I believe they are valuable and I believe that if this topic has brought you here because of some hurt in your life, I hope you believe that you can make decisions that you can feel good about.

Because that is what this will come down to.

Decisions and liking the reason for yours.

Chances are that whatever the decision is, there will be fallout and consequences for any choice and you need to be okay with you and your decision.

When we first learn of the betrayal there is often a storm of emotions and thoughts.

I say that this happens when we first learn of the betrayal because we are going to want to say it is because of their act that we feel the way we feel.

It doesn't become an issue for us until we assign meaning to it.

Sometimes years after the fact.

And although we can't control how someone else acts, we can control what we make that mean in our lives.

But first let's see the anatomy:

Initial Impact

It can feel like a megaton blast.

And it's important to feel those feels.

My goodness, cry, hit a pillow, run, shout but for now this needs to be for you, not for them.

Own the hurt, the anger, the frustration, recognize it, and FEEL it.

Experiencing an emotion is different than reacting to it, resisting it, or distracting from it. Those things bring suffering.

"This shouldn't be happening" is resistance.

"I just want to pretend like this isn't happening" is distraction.

"You jerk!" is reacting.

I hope you have a friend, a tree, boxing gloves, some disposable paper on hand to let out the real feels and truly experience the risk involved in love, trust, and hope.

Rejection, betrayal, and pain.

It's real.

And you can handle it.

The counter Strike

Our reactions may include attempts to punish, control, shut them out, or laying our suffering at the feet of the other person.

Or all of them and more.

We may gather allies to prove our expectations valid and their behavior unacceptable.

But when it comes down to it, it is going to be you that needs to determine whether that behavior is acceptable in your life.

Poll results or not.

We may tell them that they change or we do A, B, or C.

We may blame them for the pain they caused in our lives.

But here is what it comes down to:

These methods take our power away...

Leaches it out to those who literally have no power over us which will ultimately add to increased feelings of powerlessness.

In a time where it is critical to make powerful decisions you need every bit of power you possess working under your management.

The Powerful Decision

What do you control in a situation of betrayal?

Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your actions.

What do you NOT control in a situation of betrayal?

Their thoughts. Their feelings. Their actions.

As you move forward, put your energy where your power actually lies:

1. What you think.

You get to choose what y